What I ought to be doing

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 02:41:26 -0400

I can’t sleep anymore. Finals coupled with trip anxiety have given me a bad case of the ‘stay awake until 2 am’s”. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have a meeting to attend tomorrow afternoon, a 12 page paper, and a 3 hour exam to start (both are due in 4 days and I’ve been putting them off because I’m a terrible procrastinator).

People keep asking me if I’m ready to leave or if I’m nervous about the trip. I like to answer that I’m nowhere near prepared and it’s the truth. I have so much to do before I go that I know will never get any of it done. I won’t see my grandmother or niece and nephew before I go because I have no time. I won’t get to the fabric store, I probably won’t even get to wal-mart. But I totally understand why I’ve been over committing myself, it keeps my mind off the fact that I’m leaving in less than a week and I’ll be in Africa for two fucking months. I did the same thing before my hip replacement surgery, I overbooked and I was able to keep my mind off the surgery until the very end - granted I did freak out a little before hand but that’s expected for any 23 year old going into hip surgery for the third time in 8 months, right? So yeah, I’m nervous, but I won’t let myself deal with it until I’m sitting in my kitchen with my family having our last dinner together for two months, or maybe the next time I’m at the bar at 2 am and I start to say goodbye to the people I’ve grown accustomed to seeing once a week, or maybe it’ll be when I walk out my door and hear my dogs whine on the other side. But maybe it’s right now? Maybe I’m up at 1:30 blogging because this is the only way I can allow myself to freak out about what I’m about to do?

I think I ought to sleep now, I have a long day ahead of me of trying to maintain my cool while writing a paper worth 60% of my grade in a 400 level course, while simultaneously begging past professors to bother to write me yet another letter of recommendation for scholarships I probably won’t qualify for because being a disabled, aboriginal woman who volunteers locally and internationally while maintaining an A average, isn’t well rounded enough, they want people with hobbies too. …fuck.

here I go again...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 22:56:06 -0400

I kind of hate blogging, its a bit too self centered for me. But since I’m taking off to Uganda in two weeks I also figured that this would be an easy way to keep track of all the cool stuff I’ll be seeing and doing. (Because a journal would be cliche.)

bloggy woggy

What I ought to be doing

here I go again...